Give me your shoulder to Lean on, he cried.

Ogu Chukwuebuka Kizito

A woman I loved more than my life now loves another. A man I once knew as a friend banned me from his presence. I had awoken with a loneliness more lonely than a deserted island. As I was told that I had no house and no wife, she had taken everything but my life. A marriage that had lasted barely 4 years with no child, but with my dedication to keep her happy. Wasted years it was, for she found a way to take everything away from me, except my flesh. After being sacked from work. I hoped she will understand and stand by me when I told her I will fix the mortgage and everything with time, well she simply chose another man, after rigorous law court, for the divorce nearly drove me insane. In the end, she won and took everything I ever had. What is love, if not sacrifice through pain? What is marriage if you could not stand by your man? Did we not promise for better for worse? But when it became bad you abandoned me to be eaten by wild beasts. What broke me wasn’t the house you took away, it was the love in my soul, it was the hole you drilled into my bleeding heart. It was your absence when I needed you most.

Pushed out into the streets, with nothing to hold me, with barely my clothes and little luggage, I went from street to street begging for food to eat. Through the rainy and sunny days, I had no shelter. The last clothe I wore from my house still on my body. Broken beyond bounds, shattered into different bits like a shattered mirror. The world stared at me like they were looking at dirty. Men shut their doors when they saw me. Rejected to my faith by the ones I loved and condemned by the world. What could kill me easily is the contempt and lack of pity shown on their faces when they stared at me. It was the abusive words they poured at my face, it was the heart wrenching words to remind me of my condition that broke me down to tears. They laughed at me in my pain, they played with my broken soul, and some even cast aspersions to this broken man. My throat dried from thirst, my stomach cried from hunger, my eyes sought for a healing smile from a stranger, my life needed a shoulder to cry on but none came.

The fear of being eaten by animals nearly drove me insane as I slept in the open field. Does it mean that a man’s heart have been changed to stone? It was only the little kids who took pity on me and offered me crumbs of food. I wondered from place to place like the animals in the forest. The place I once knew as home was taken from me.

My life, my story, my pain. Who will rescue me from this island of my soul, who will pity this dejected and broken man? Who will listen to my pain and hold my hands now that I truly needed it, who will be my friend through pains and suffering? Amidst this millions of people passing me by, it is quite heart breaking to know that no one will stand by me in my tempest. Among these creatures who have more love for dogs and cats than their kind, who will wash and cuddle a stray dog but run away from a broken man. Thy care only for kith’s and kin. Friends will desert you, lovers will leave you, and people will laugh at you when the tempest strikes.

Alone to the world, an island of myself, I walked from place to place. Some nights I could not take it, I tried to end my life but I just couldn’t. The pain and suffering was too much, the hurt was so glaring. At such nights I cried like water fall from ginseng spring, lay on my rough nylon made bed and awoke with beautiful rays of the sun only to remember my condition and wish I never awoke.

I could remember my comfortable bed, that could comfortably hold 4 people, but it was just for two, me and my ex-wife shared it. I remember everything I had that time that I lacked now. I remember the man I was then and the man I
am now. I ask myself, what went wrong? Did I not love her enough, or I did not give her what she needed? So I am forever erased from her memory, how heartless love could be, one minute you are in love, and next minute you have forgotten the promises you once made.

Here I am, alone in my pain, with a broken heart in a shattered soul, with a body that has become unrecognizable even to myself. you might have been the one who watched me pass by in my dejected and sad state, you might have been among those who scorned me and laughed at my suffering, you might even been the one who cast aspersions on me and told me all abusive things that kept me awake through the night. One thing I know, I have no one in this world, that’s why one of these days I will sleep never to wake in this world.

Ogu Chukwuebuka Kizito is an African voice that wants to be heard. He craves for the listening ears that will listen to his troubles and worries of life. countless articles he has written, but will soon finish his first novel. During his days, pictures became words, words became a seed of hope.

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