A Mother Speaks to her Eldest

A Mother Speaks to her Eldest
Attracta Fahy

I wish I could tell you what it is I feel,
remembering you
as a little boy, gathering sheep,
Lassie, ‘Come here,’
your soulmate,
mother, when I was absent.

I wish I could tell you the love
in my heart when you sold
played with my jewellery,
‘rings have power,’
the lawn sparkled.

That time in London
the professor called you names,
I flew over, sorted her out.
I wish we could drink again
hot chocolate in Cork, eat
Thai in Soho.

I wish I could tell you the pain
when they believed on your first day
at school, it’s impossible,
the diagnosis: non verbal skill,
‘self esteem’
I said, is the most important

are often slow, observant, take time
to consider.

I wish I could have taken the names
they called you,
stupid, thick, retard, queer, when
they bullied, beat you. 
I wish I had your humility,
when you emerged as warrior, hero.

I wish I could tell you my pride,
when they called you commendable,
bent over backwards to please,
forwards, world gymnastics.
An actor, comic, became academic,
laughed till they loved you.

I wish I could tell you the moments, 
our humble beginnings.
Knew you before you were born,
dreamed you up, named your spirit,
symbol of freedom, after a rebel.
I wish I could tell you what it is I feel,
when I remember your birth.

Attracta Fahy’s background is Nursing/Social Care. She works as a Psychotherapist, lives in Co.Galway, and has three children. She completed her MA in Writing NUIG in 2017, and participates in Over The Edge poetry workshops. Her poems have been published in Banshee, Poetry Ireland Review, The Blue Nib, Poethead, Orbis, Honest Ulsterman, and several other journals, and magazines. She has been included in The Blue Nib Anthology, shortlisted for 2018 Over The Edge New Writer of The Year, and is a Blue Nib nominee for Pushcart. She was one of the winners in the Pamphlet series competition with Hedgehog Poetry Press, and will have her first collection published in 2019.

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